The London diary & other adventures
There are many reasons why I’ve ended up suffering from a panic disorder, and probably I would need an endless list of blog posts to explain all of them, and I that’s definitely the least important part of my story.
The most vital one though, is to explain how all this has shaped my life and how it changed dramatically my perception of myself and of the world around me, how I relate to the people I meet, how I deal with my job, manage my time and also my space.
If you’ve never suffered from mental health problems it would possibly be difficult to completely understand how it feels and how I felt. Surprisingly, even if you’ve had experienced panic attacks and anxiety, it would be quite complicated too, as each one of us has a different way of living these moments.
The physical expression of a mental discomfort is extremely personal, and despite the fact you could definitely relate and empathise with me, it’s most likely that you’ve experienced this discomfort in a completely different way.
Some people feel like drowning, others feel an enduring massive punch in the stomach, others feel like falling from a skyscraper.
One thing is for sure, it’s never a pleasant sensation.
Nonetheless, I came to the conclusion that talking about mental health problems, issues, diseases, you name it, it’s one of the most stigmatised topics in today’s society… and that’s mainly why I think it’s so important to talk about it.
I have been spending almost 3 years of my life fighting these problems, and I came to realise just recently that “fighting” is not the final solution, it is in fact an absolute counter-productive action to stabilise my mind.
On one side because my state of mind is constantly changing, and on the other because fighting requires an incredible amount of energy.
So why channel all my strength to fix a problem that is continually changing anyway?
It’s an eternal struggle.
And I’m smart enough to find an alternative way to solve the problem.